Eighth Letter

Honesty, Love, Truth

I would like to make a confession
Father, I have sinned -
Mother, I have sinned -

Every word uttered, every thought registered and recorded
Have been rounded off with words whose meaning
I did not know.

As though by these words I could somehow
Stop the bleeding foolishness of my heart
The ignoble dreams I hid away...

As the preacher who lies
Who speaks words he cannot follow
Spewing forth hatred, but calling it love

I flagellate myself before you, my lords and ladies
For the sins of my incapacity to act
For all my indecisions that I called choice.

Between the hard rocks of an unknowing heart
And half-seen visions of a delirious mind
That only desires sleep, escape

This cannot be called Honesty, Love nor Truth
But a searching
And that is not enough, is it?

Time fills me with despair and fear -
To open one's mouth and speak
Is easy enough to do

But to find the time to live one's life
To know what your gut is telling you
- That, I am finding out, is my near fatal impossibility.